


trust falls

by thegreatmoon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Inception Fusion, Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatmoon/pseuds/thegreatmoon
Summary: “are we in your dream?”“no one gets into my dreams.”; moon taeil hires dream forger lee taeyong to incept an idea inside his own mind
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil
Comments: 21
Kudos: 42
Collections: NCT Bigbang Round 1





	trust falls

**Author's Note:**

> this work can be **extremely triggering**. i won’t disclose all of those triggers in the beginning notes because some contain spoilers, but if you wish to read them, they are listed in the end notes. read with care. (triggers that don’t have spoilers are listed in the tags)
> 
> as for content, there is one sexual explicit scene in this. 
> 
> thanks to my beta for reading this! btw **if you don’t know anything about the inception universe, don’t worry**. i had a friend who knows nothing of the universe read it and she said she didn’t have a problem understanding the story
> 
> the mod is amazing and i’m _so_ thankful for them!!! also big thanks to my best friend anne and her brother gab for managing to pull off a last minute art for me ): i don’t deserve u. to see the art, click [here](https://twitter.com/jhyunstagram/status/1337040777445318664?s=21)
> 
> i also did my own character edits [here](https://twitter.com/thegreatmoon94/status/1337104259977011201?s=21)
> 
> xx  
> sol

A dream man is usually thought of as an ideal type of man, a man so good that he can only exist in the realm of imagination. It’s unexpected, to say the least, for a dream man to embody that idea while, at the same time, being a person who walks among dreams as if they are his own. For Moon Taeil it is most surprising that Lee Taeyong fit the first category. Originally, he was only looking for someone to fill the second one.

“Did you come here to save me?” Taeil asks as he sits at the coffee shop table Taeyong has just occupied.

Taeil has seen pictures of the man before him. His image, even in photographs, could probably cut hearts in half with his sharp eyes, defined jaw and aristocratic nose. He’s always dressed formally, this time with a dark red blazer and pants along with a patterned scarf on his neck. Taeil has read all about him on his file. What he didn’t know was that Taeyong looks even better in reality.

“Excuse me?” Taeyong asks, frowning. He leans closer, tilting his head in a polite show of confusion.

Taeil chuckles and licks his own lips. His senses are heightened from the substance he has just consumed. He boldly leanes closer to Taeyong in the middle of the table, raising an eyebrow and sporting an anxious-driven smile. “Are you here to save me from my dreams?”

Taeyong widens his eyes in understanding. “You are the client,” he states calmly as he sits back on his chair. “Shall we go somewhere more private?”

Taeil nods and the next second they are in the alley behind the coffee shop. It’s below ideal, but he doesn’t mind. He picks something from his pocket.

“Do you mind?” Taeil asks, a joint in his hand and the lighter in the next one. Taeyong shakes his head and Taeil lights his cigarette. He takes a drag and lets it out by turning his head to the left. Finally, he looks at Taeyong’s sharp eyes again. They tell him nothing. “I have a business proposal for you, dream man. I want you to erase a person from my dreams.”  
  


◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

A loud gasp cuts through the silence of the night. Taeil’s hands automatically reach for his nightstand, looking for the first drawer. There are several pills and liquids in there, Taeil doesn’t waste much time trying to figure them out, he’s grown familiar to those over the last few months.

At first he had even tried to find out which one worked the best for him but the best ones always gave him the worst withdrawals and eventually, he decided that it was best for him to just try to alternate. He picks a translucent liquid and a needle, trying his best to handle them carefully with his shaking hands. He injects straight into his vein and the relief is almost immediate. Taeil sighs, feeling his mouth dry in a calming bliss.

There’s a sudden knock at his door. He is informed of a visitor, a slender young man with red hair and dark eyes who is waiting for him. Taeil considers for a moment that this is a dream, a side effect, but asks for the visitor to come in as he puts on his robes.

The door opens and Taeil smiles. “Ah, hello there. Didn’t expect you to come back so soon.”

“I didn’t come back for the money,” Taeyong states. He seems tense, stiff and tapping his feet on the floor.

“I know you didn’t.”

“I told you it was impossible that day and I stand by that but…” he trails off, eyes finally meeting Taeil’s. “I need to know more.”

“About what?”

“This person you’re running from.”

“He’s running after me,” Taeil corrects him with a bitter smile. “His name is Nakamoto Yuta, you must have heard of him. He terrorizes my dreams.”

Taeyong doesn’t seem shocked at the revelation, only more intrigued. “How so?”

“My unconcious can’t seem to understand we’ve broken up and he keeps appearing. I’ve even resorted to… alternative medicine to make my dreams vanish but he is still there and I can feel it whenever I wake up,” Taeil says, heart heaving inside his chest. “All I need you to do is to incept the idea for me to forget him.”

Taeyong shakes his head. “This goes beyond inception.”

“You came back for the challenge. Don’t leave when it's become more interesting,” Taeil replies, a silly smile on his lips.

“You’re not my lab rat, I won’t destroy you for an experiment.” Taeyong turns around and walks towards the door.

Taeil runs and stands between him and the door. His hands are on Taeyong’s chest. He knows he’s not as strong as the dream man, but he has to try.

“Please,” he begs, lowering his head. “I’ve only begged for someone once in my life but I beg you now. Please.”

He holds onto Taeyong’s shirt for his life and his knees feel weak, ready to bend themselves for his humiliation.

Taeyong is unresponsive, Taeil takes a deep breath before his next show of weakness. Taeyong’s low voice stops him.

“Was this someone Yuta?”

Taeil doesn’t have to answer. It goes unsaid.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

It is said that old buildings have thicker walls, but this particular old building is falling to pieces. Taeil can clearly hear what’s being said behind the wooden door.

“Absurd!” a man with a high voice condemns. From what Taeil has heard from him previously, he sounds frigid and methodic.

“You’re a crazy bastard…” a low, calmer voice adds, between good humored chuckles.

“Listen to me—“

Taeyong tries to make his case but is interrupted by the methodic man.

“Inception is already hard enough, now you want to incept an idea in a subject that knows they are going through it? It’s impossible!” he argues, voice going higher an octave as he speaks.

“How pretty is this client?” the other unknown man asks with a giggle.

“Irrelevant,” Taeyong replies while sighing. “I’m only asking you to listen to what he has to say before we give a verdict.”

There is a quick discussion, too low for Taeil to comprehend a word from it. He hears steps coming closer and is quick to take distance from the door, brushing his hair and shirt while he’s at it.

A man with a long judging face opens the door. He dresses even more elegantly than Taeyong, with a full suit in a neutral color. His hair is black and his eyes are small for he squints at Taeil. The man turns to go back inside the building and Taeil follows him.

Taeyong is standing by the table, in a light grey suit to match the rest of the building. His scarf is black in color and he doesn’t spend much time looking at Taeil. The man sitting by the table is wearing a simple buttoned up shirt and pants. His curls have a hint of gold to them, enhancing his own pale figure.

“Moon Taeil, these are Doyoung and Jaehyun,” Taeyong introduces quietly, signaling Doyoung as the one Taeil met by the door and Jaehyun the one with golden curls.

Taeil greets them with a shy nod. Doyoung’s scrutinizing gaze still burns over him.

“Pretty client,” Jaehyun teases with a half-smile. Taeyong doesn’t pay him any attention.

“Why do you want to incept this?” Doyoung asks, stepping closer to Taeil.

“Because his projection keeps haunting me. Sometimes he makes me think we are going to be together, others we break up all over again. No matter what, when the dream is over I awake in a state of desolation,” he explains. Doyoung doesn’t seem very convinced by the reports of a couple of nightmares. Taeil knows it’s a lot more than that. “I cannot let my dreams ruin my reality. This is why I am asking for your help.”

“You could go to a psychiatrist, you know?”

“He was the one who recommended me to your team.”

Doyoung pauses. He finally seems to consider Taeil’s anguish to be real. His face betrays his intense worry for a moment.

“If something goes wrong… we will be messing with your mind, your memories, your concepts of life. Do you understand that?”

“It’s funny that you think this projection hasn’t done far worse to me already.”

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

It’s windy on top of the skyscraper. The sun is setting on the horizon slowly, coloring the sky in the prettiest dark pink with shades of yellow that Taeil has ever seen. The city down below is quiet and he can hear the birds chirping. It oddly feels like a piece of paradise.

Taeil turns back to see Taeyong with his eyes closed, enjoying the wind rustling through his hair. He is sitting on a picnic cloth, wearing the most casual clothes Taeil has ever seen him wear — a buttoned up shirt and a suit, no scarf this time. As if sensing Taeil’s eyes on him, Taeyong opens it and they gaze at each other.

“Where’s the rest of your team?” Taeil inquires, looking for Doyoung’s frown or Jaehyun’s curls.

“For now it’s only us,” Taeyong informs as he elegantly gets up from the floor and joins Taeil at the edge of the skyscraper. “Since we are trying to break into your mind, we need to know as much about you as possible. I am a forger, I should be able to navigate through your dreams seamlessly. I will impersonate and assimilate your most personal memories.”

Taeyong doesn’t need to explain, Taeil knows this much. For dream inception, three key positions need to be filled. First there is the chemist, only needed in three levels or more in the dreaming — a dream in a dream in a dream. To keep the dreamers stable, the chemist induces the team with drugs so they can fall into deep sleep. Then there is the architect, the one that plans the dream’s landscape so unconscious projections created by the subject don’t discover the interlopers so easily.

Finally, there’s the forger, the one with a thousand faces. The forger is the one who impersonates people in the dream so the subject will believe in what they are dreaming while also extracting crucial information of the target when they are most vulnerable. Forgers are to be feared.

Taeil looks over at Taeyong’s sharp eyes and triangular face. He wonders what mask he is wearing now.

“For that to happen, I need your complete trust,” Taeyong speaks after a few seconds of silence.

“You can’t just ask for trust, you have to earn it.”

“I should know you better than you know yourself,” Taeyong argues. “Now tell me.”

Taeil turns to stare at the sky. There’s something mesmerizing about the purple clouds meshing in the horizon with the pink-yellow sky.

“Yuta and I met—“

Taeyong immediately cuts him off. “I’m not interested in Yuta just yet, I want to know you, Moon Taeil, and who you are when you’re vulnerable.”

Taeil scoffs. “I can’t simply give that up for you.”

“You’re our subject, Taeil. I have to know you better than you know yourself.”

Taeil hums but pays him no attention. His eyes lay on Taeyong once again. His nose looks pointier than ever. “Tell me about you, dream man.”

Taeyong shrugs but doesn’t refuse Taeil’s proposal immediately. “What’s there to know?”

“How did you become a forger?”

Taeyong stretches his arms for a few moments but leans on the balcony again. “My mother trained me in the aspects of dreaming. I can read people and extract information about them through body language, a talent I use as a forger,” he explains, eyes fixed on Taeil’s.

Taeil had noticed Taeyong’s perceiving personality before. He has felt the stares, the responsiveness, the analyzing gaze. There was some hope inside his heart they might mean something more but deep inside Taeil knows it’s futile. Taeyong is a dream man, he only walks among dreams or is a fruit of them. He will never join Taeil’s sick reality.

“What does my posture tell you now?” Taeil challenges him while smirking.

“This conversation unsettles you. You can feel there is something different, but you can’t quite place it,” Taeyong speaks immediately, which only confirms Taeil’s theory that he’s been analyzed all along. “Maybe I look prettier, or maybe the sky is brighter or there is something irresistible about this unknown corner in the world. You’re trying to figure out what is wrong without asking me about it, but I see your uneasiness and your eyes darting around.”

Taeil gulps. Taeyong has reached to conclusions that were unthought of. Indeed, a forger should know his subject better than the subject knows himself.

A victorious smile graces Taeyong’s lips briefly before his eyes drop to Taeil’s arms. Taeil is wearing comfortable clothes, his half-sleeved purple shirt letting his skin be seen. His skin looks more golden than usual, as if Taeil had gone to the beach this past week, which didn’t happen. What proves Taeil’s uneasiness to have a reason is the lack of needle marks on his arms.

“We are dreaming,” he concludes, looking up in the sky.

He has heard about how dreams start suddenly. It’s hard to remember the moments before falling asleep and they often happen mid scene. Taeil doesn’t recall getting an invitation to visit a skyscraper with Taeyong or even driving here. The sky is too pink to be real.

“Touché,” Taeyong agrees and takes Taeil’s hand on his.

Taeil turns his head in shock at the sudden touch, but notices Taeyong is leading him back to the picnic cloth. There are many strawberry-based things on the cloth now, strawberry jelly, strawberry juice and even actual strawberries. Taeil becomes more confused, so he looks at Taeyong for guidance.

“Are we in your dream?”

“No one gets into my dreams,” Taeyong tells him. Taeil wants to ask why but he doesn’t feel like he should. “This is your mind, I let you fill it with your own imagination but I’m architecting it through your unconscious. Where are we?”

Taeil blinks. Had he imagined this place with cherry pink skies, a never ending sunset and strawberries? His hand is still interlocked with Taeyong’s and he feels a soft brush on its back. Closing his eyes for a moment to focus, it comes back to Taeil like a foggy memory.

“This was where Yuta took me on our first date,” he blurts out as the memories start to connect inside his brain. “He liked to have the skies over our heads, so he took me to a skyscraper and we had a small picnic. I remember watching the clouds with him.”

Taeil looks up. A light purple cloud forms the shape of an octopus. His unconscious is an unknown map to himself, even live dreams astound him.

Taeyong removes his hand. His eyes remain fixed on Taeil. “Did you two kiss that day?”

“Yes,” Taeil lets out a giggle at the memory. “There was some strawberry juice on my lips. He came closer to clean them and kissed me instead,” he reveals, feeling his heart warming just as it warmed on that late afternoon, watching the sunset with Yuta.

“Where is he now?”

Taeyong’s question cuts the dream in half. The eternal sunset disappears, night falls on them. As if conjured, Yuta appears out of the shadows, wearing a black suit. His lips are curled in an evil smirk. His black hair casts shadows over his round eyes as he reaches for Taeil.

Yuta stops in front of his ex, but his eyes lay on the beautiful stranger that keeps him company. He squints one eye and leans forward, but Taeil can sense he already dislikes Taeyong. Somehow this warms his heart. Yuta being possessive over him must mean he still has feelings.

“Who is this?” Yuta questions, staring defiantly at Taeyong.

“That’s Taeyong, he’s a friend.”

“He sees me as an intruder in your dream,” Taeyong informs.

Taeil blinks back to reality — or as close to reality as he can reach at this moment. Yuta is nothing but a projection, a creation of his. He’s jealous not only because Taeil unconsciously wants him to be jealous but also to protect his territory, Taeil’s mind.

“You have friends now?” Yuta asks as sharp as a blade. His eyebrows lower while he frowns.

Taeil hears thunder. The nice weather has been ruined. He can’t find it in himself to answer Yuta’s question because the word would hurt him too much. Yuta’s eyes glisten in a manic celebration of victory.

“You never had friends, you only ever had me. Now you have no one,” he adds in a chilling whisper by Taeil’s ear. Yuta’s breathing is cold, sending shivers down Taeil’s spine.

Taeil tries to stutter out an answer. Rain starts falling from the sky. He hadn’t even noticed when the fluffy purple clouds became misty, dark and heavy over their heads.

A hand grabs his wrist.

“Taeil, come with me,” Taeyong says urgently. Taeil is reminded he isn’t alone with Yuta and he feels more confused.

“Don’t listen to your friend, you know he isn’t speaking the truth,” Yuta murmurs.

Taeyong doesn’t seem to have any patience fighting that projection. He drags Taeil, who is too weak to fight him and they walk towards the edge of the skyscraper. Yuta goes after them, angered by Taeyong’s intrusion but not threatened enough to snatch Taeil from him.

“You are a lonely man, Taeil. You were lonely when I found you and you’re lonely now.”

Taeil shakes his head. Taeyong holds his hands close to his chest.

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

Taeil doesn’t understand the question until he sees Taeyong’s plan. He wants to jump from the building, so they can die.

There’s no time to think rationally, Taeil pulls his hands from Taeyong’s hold and backs away from the edge, falling straight onto Yuta’s awaiting arms.

Yuta chuckles lowly and Taeyong seems disappointed.

“That’s right, this is where you belong. I will never leave you alone, baby,” Yuta cold-whispers to Taeil’s ears the last words before hearing a loud alarm blast through the city. Everything turns bright.

Taeil blinks slowly, his eyes take a few seconds to get adjusted to clarity. When he finally opens them, he sees Taeyong taking off his dream sharing wires and turning off the alarm on his phone. Taeil doesn’t even have time to do the same before Taeyong is jumping on him.

“Why didn’t you jump?” he asks ferociously.

Taeil is startled by the dream man's sudden intense behavior and cannot formulate a reply, only stare back.

“You have to trust me!” Taeyong's authoritarian yell hurts Taeil’s ears, but he chooses to remain calm.

“It isn’t that easy,” he says, getting up from his chair and going for the door.

Taeyong blocks Taeil’s path and crosses his arms. “And getting into your ex’s arms is better? He’s the one who you’ve sworn to get over.”

Finally, it strikes a nerve on Taeil. “But I haven’t gotten over, have I? That’s why I’m here! And why would I choose you over him when I barely know you?”

“You hired me for this. Let me do my fucking job,” Taeyong retorts angrily. He doesn’t move from his place and Taeil is tired.

Placing two hands on Taeyong’s chest, Taeil pushes him away. “Be professional then!”

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

If Taeyong’s goal was to become closer to Taeil, he has failed miserably. Taeil spends most of his time talking with Jaehyun, who asks him about the most important places in his life and to provide minimalistic information about them. Taeil brings him photos and indulges him with long descriptions on the carpets, lightning and even breeze of those localities.

Taeyong sometimes walks out from his bedroom as they are having a conversation in the living room. His eyes fall on Taeil for a moment, who stares back. Jaehyun coughs while trying to hide his awkward chuckles. Taeyong adjusts his wristwatch and walks towards the kitchen. Taeyong dresses formally even in that old building which Taeil can easily assume is the closest these people have to a home.

His attention returns to Jaehyun as he continues sharing what his childhood home looks like. Jaehyun seems concerned for a moment, eyes still following Taeyong, but soon he picks his sketchbook to draw Taeil’s description.

A few days go by like this. Taeil arrives early at the building, holds meetings with Jaehyun and goes back home. He rarely sees Taeyong and when they meet it’s always followed by an awkward silence. Doyoung appears quite often but his displeasure with the mission is clear by every interaction he has with Taeil so they don’t talk for longer than necessary.

After having shown a slideshow of his university to Jaehyun, Taeil gets up from his chair to pick up a cup of water from the kitchen and take a quick smoke on the balcony. He asks Jaehyun if he wants something, but the architect is too busy drawing.

Taeil approaches the kitchen’s door when he hears Taeyong and Doyoung having a quiet discussion.

“We should give him a totem,” Taeyong states insistently, almost as if repeating something he’s already said.

“Out of question,” Doyoung cuts him off.

“He needs one.”

“He can’t have one, he’s a tourist.”

“It’s dangerous to introduce shared dreaming and not tell him what a totem is,” Taeyong argues but is ignored.

They fall into silence again and Taeil hears one of them pouring water in a cup. The debate is over but Taeil is too curious to let it go. He steps inside the kitchen.

“What is a totem?” he asks.

Doyoung looks at him in pure shock, resting his glass near the sink. On the other hand, not a single strand of Taeyong’s hair bristles. He looks unfazed by Taeil’s sudden appearance.

“We can’t tell you, you’re not allowed to have one,” Doyoung replies sternly.

Taeil turns to dream man, widening his big eyes and looking for his help. “Taeyong?”

Taeyong controls his anger with Taeil's little act. “Don’t,” he says as he walks past him.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Even if the incident heightens the tensions between Taeil and Taeyong at first, it also causes it to decrease in the next few days. They begin greeting each other and even hold casual conversations. Taeil has to ignore Jaehyun’s mocking smile when asking Taeyong about his day, but he doesn’t mind. Once Taeyong is gone after sharing a random anecdote, Taeil hits Jaehyun with a pillow and they return to talking about places.

One day, after Taeil is done with his session with Jaehyun, Taeyong keeps him from leaving by holding his arm lightly. Taeil squints, trying his best not to wince from pain.

Taeyong immediately notices his expression and drops his arm. He apologizes before informing Taeil of his next step as a forger and requesting Taeil’s help.

“You’ve met him already,” Taeil replies dryly, lips forming a thin line.

“In a dream. That was your projection of him. I need to know the real Yuta.”

“No.”

“I know it’s hard. I’ll go meet him alone if I need to. I just thought I should give you a heads up,” Taeyong says.

Maybe it’s the way he is being so polite and gentle with Taeil or how Taeil’s has just noticed the rose shaped scar next to his right eye, but Taeil sees himself accepting to introduce the dream man to his ex.

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The mirror reflects an unpleasant image to Taei’s eyes. A man in his early thirties trying to hide the imperfections of his skin under foundation, lips chapped and dry even after many years of applying lip balm and dark circles under his eyes due to sleepless nights.

He used to like his skin but the wrinkles that have been threatening to appear scare him. His once bright eyes, filled with wonder for life are in a constant state of drowsiness due to exhaustion and his light brown hair seems to be the only thing that has remained unchanged at the current moment. The suit makes him feel shorter than he usually does and Taeil tries to balance himself on the tips of his toes. He loses his balance and almost falls on the mirror, stopping the accident by putting a hand against the glass.

His eyes drop to the scar on his cheek. It’s barely noticeable after so many years and covered by foundation, but it’s still there and Taeil cracks a smile at the sight. It reminds him of another scar, a rose shaped one next to an eye.

He takes a step back from the mirror. His hair is out of place due to the almost-accident. Before he can fix it, Taeyong walks into the room in the most expensive suit Taeil has ever seen.

“Let me,” he says, removing Taeil’s hand from his hair and fixing it himself.

Taeil feels shivers running down his spine and he flutters his eyes to the beat of his heart. Taeyong finishes with his hair but his eyes linger on Taeil for a moment before offering his hand.

“Shall we?”

Taeil takes his hand and Taeyong leads him to the car. It’s a quiet drive, Taeil wants the lump in his throat to go away. He mentally curses himself for forgetting to take a smoke before leaving, it’d put him just in the right state, but Taeyong had personally requested for Taeil to try to be sober.

They arrive in Yuta’s mansion. The gates open just as the security spots Taeil. Taeyong keeps on driving up until the top of the hills, where the huge mansion is. Say whatever there is to say about Yuta, he has impeccable taste.

Hardly any billionaire would resist the desire of building their own richly appointed mansion, but Yuta has a liking for the old. He bought a large early 1900’s Japanese house on the edge of a cliff. The entrance faces the hill, while its back is turned to the ocean and its crashing waves. The house was in ruins when Yuta had first acquired it but he had restored it to its better days. Taeil remembers spending countless evenings with Yuta, checking every new development on the house until they finally moved there. He has some fond memories of reading a book by the Japanese garden as Yuta took a stroll on the hill, only to come back to his arms and kiss his lips.

A valet opens the car’s door and Taeil takes the woman’s hand. She drives the car away to a parking lot and Taeil stands at the front of the imposing mansion that was once his home. Taeyong is beside him but he doesn’t dare to rush Taeil inside.

Suddenly Taeil recalls one of the conversations he has had with Taeyong in preparation for this event. He had filled Taeyong in with Yuta’s general personality, history and some small details, things that would be easy for Taeyong to figure out by himself if he didn’t have Taeil.

“Yuta doesn’t like fancy dinners but once a year he throws one to appease company managers.”

Taeyong nodded. They were at the balcony, Taeil was smoking. “He still invites you?” he inquired, seeming puzzled by that fact.

Taeil let smoke and chuckles leave his lips before turning to Taeyong. “Something dream Yuta and real Yuta have in common is that they won’t let me go. Not completely.”

With that memory in mind, Taeil enters the Japanese mansion.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The doors were slid open by employees dressed formally. Taeil’s arm rests on top of Taeyong’s when they enter the room and are graced with around twenty people sitting on a large round table. The yellow lighting hurts Taeyong’s eyes but he ignores it. Taeil shivers on his arms and Taeyong decides to pull him closer.

Usually Taeil is one to dress in large sweaters, hiding his face behind his sweater paws. A suit must feel cold compared to his usually big hoodies.

Spotting Yuta is easy. He is the center of conversation, most eyes following him as he smiles and talks amicably to his guests. He drinks from a glass of wine which he keeps in his hand all the time. Taeil’s projection of Yuta is unnerving in its faithfulness. He has captured the same big eyes, strong expressions and even his composed gestures. Taeyong picks some differences right away.

Yuta’s eyebrows, often raised or frowned, never arch in the imposing way they do in Taeil’s dream. His smile is always amicable, the evil curl missing from it and his eyes have a spark that is a reflection from the yellow lighting of the room. These are all small details, perhaps imperceptible for Taeil himself.

Yuta raises his eyebrows the moment he recognizes Taeil. He sees Taeyong the next moment and his smile falters for a quick moment. It provides another information for Taeyong: Yuta, like him, is a chameleon. Small actions will show his true emotions, but he lets his weaknesses betray him.

His elegant black suit with golden details match well with the room and his dark blonde long hair. He walks towards them slowly.

From the smile and gaze he exchanges with Taeil, it’s barely noticeable they are exes. However, Taeyong can feel Taeil is on edge by the pressure on his arms and he picks on the light trembling on his lips. By the time Yuta arrives, Taeil has brushed those quirks away.

They greet each other with some intimacy, sharing a small hug. Yuta gives Taeil a once over, complimenting his dark graffiti suit while Taeil does the same. Yuta looks at Taeyong for a moment and Taeil coughs awkwardly.

“This is Taeyong, I hope you don’t mind I brought a plus-one.”

“Not at all, I hate to see you lonely,” Yuta replies with a smile.

There’s a sharp blade attached to that last word and it strikes Taeil’s straight in the throat. His breathing hitches noticeably. Taeyong looks at Yuta, looking for a spark to see if he’s noticed what he’s done but finds nothing there.

Taeyong steps in and offers his free hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nakamoto.”

Yuta turns to Taeyong and shakes his hand back. “The pleasure is mine,” he says, before turning once again to Taeil. “Do come more often, Illie, I miss you. I hope you enjoy dinner.”

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The plates aren’t overly fancy but remain tasty. Taeyong tries to hold a conversation with Taeil as they eat, it can’t be obvious he’s staring at Yuta, but Taeil has his head in the clouds. He barely takes a bite from his food, sometimes robotically leading an almost empty fork to his lips and chewing the little food he has in his mouth.

Yuta has offered them great seats, just opposite to him. It makes communication hard, but puts him in the field of vision. It’s great for Taeyong’s observation. He watches how Yuta eats, how he talks, how he behaves. He will probably have to return, disguising himself as an employee, but for now he can make good and safe assumptions about Yuta.

Unfortunately, Taeil is utterly lost. His eyes are almost glued to Yuta, mesmerized by him and yet glassy. Yuta ignores him most times and Taeyong is thankful for that. The one time Yuta’s gaze actually stops to stare at Taeil back, Taeil drops his fork. He gets up from his chair and excuses himself from the table. Yuta’s gaze lies on Taeyong, defiant. Taeyong doesn’t think twice before getting up and following Taeil.

He listens to Taeil’s fast steps and finds him by the Japanese garden, picking a flask Taeyong has seen too many times.

“Stop it!” Taeyong shouts, snatching the bottle away from Taeil’s hands. Taeil fights back, trying to regain possession but getting pushed away by Taeyong.

“Let me take them!” he protests, claws closer and closer to the bottle.

“No!”

Taeil pushes Taeyong a little too hard and they fall on the grass. He doesn’t even apologize, immediately going for the bottle but Taeyong switches their position, immobilizing Taeil to the ground while being on top of him.

“Let me, those are all I have,” Taeil begs, squirming to try to get out of his hold.

“They make dreaming unstable,” Taeyong retorts. It’s paining him more than he had expected to tell Taeil no, but he has to keep him sober.

“You’re not getting inside my mind now!” Taeil yells back and makes a sudden move to the bottle.

He is almost successful, turning around to open the flask but Taeyong hits it so it flies across the grass. Taeil stretches his body to get it but Taeyong holds him by the waist.

“Let me have them!” Taeil begs in desperation. He manages to get the bottle.

Taeyong pulls him to his lap and holds the flask. They stare at each other for a moment, waiting for the next move.

“Why?” Taeyong asks quietly.

“Reality kills me, my dreams haunt me. Let me have peace,” he begs, voice broken. Taeil lowers his head and Taeyong finally notices the pearly tears streaming on his cheeks. “All I want is peace, I need peace.”

Taeyong lowers his guard without intending to and Taeil takes that opportunity to finally open the bottle and quickly take a pill. He doesn’t stop crying, leaning his head against Taeyong’s chest and letting his tears stain Taeyong’s suit. Taeil holds onto his body for his dear life, grasping Taeyong’s back with strong hands as he hiccups. Taeyong is taken aback for a moment, but pushes Taeil against his chest and wraps him in his arms. Hopefully this is enough to ease his heart tonight.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeil gasps awake. His breathing is shallow and rapid as his eyes get used to the darkness of the unfamiliar bedroom. The lights are turned on the next second and Taeil blinks. Doyoung is right by his side.

It’s been only a week ever since he moved to the old building so the team could start studying and tracing his dream patterns better. Taeil doesn’t understand the need for this but Doyoung was insistent so he packed his bags the next day.

When he dropped his bags on the living room floor and asked where he would be staying, Jaehyun looked at Taeyong with a large smile on his lips. Taeyong ignored him and directed Taeil to Doyoung’s room. Doyoung is the best at keeping records, recognizing patterns and analyzing dreams so he was the best choice. Nonetheless, Taeil still felt a little disappointed as he moved into the man’s room.

Oddly enough, Doyoung makes for a nice roommate. He doesn’t complain of Taeil’s sudden bursts during nighttime, he knows when to give him space and he’s always there with a notepad and a tea on his hand to hear about Taeil’s latest dreams. It feels to Taeil as if he's been cared for by an overprotective though reluctant older brother and there’s something warming about that thought.

Taeil has barely sat up when there is a mint tea in his hand. Its color is bright green against the mug’s white. Doyoung makes his teas with the actual plant and hot water and the result is one of the most relaxing drinks Taeil has ever tasted. He sits on the edge of Taeil’s bed.

“What happened?”

Taeil coughs and takes a sip from the tea. Doyoung waits for him patiently. “Yuta… it was peaceful then he appeared out of nowhere.”

Doyoung hums and picks up his notepad. He will listen to whatever Taeil tells him and not pressure him for anything more than necessary. Taeil leans on his pillows and fishes for a dream that’s almost lost in his misty waters.

They were walking on a train. Taeil remembers only him and Yuta but something tells him there were familiar faces in there as well. Taeil knew something was off about the train, something he couldn’t quite understand. He tried telling that to Yuta but his boyfriend pulled him aside for a kiss and whispered, “Hey, this is a new reality. Don’t bother with the past.”

Flash. Taeil was tending to a drunk Yuta in a small apartment. The place resembled the apartment Taeil and Yuta used to smoke weed with friends back in college. Back then, Yuta took care of a drunk Taeil, but this time it was different. Yuta apologized for drinking a lot as Taeil helped him and a friend drink water and get sober. Yuta laughed and he asked Taeil if they could maybe get together again. Taeil wanted to be with him again, taking care of Yuta felt good, but something deep inside his stomach told him that he shouldn’t forgive him so easily. He’s done something that hurt Taeil deep inside and he has to apologize for that before asking him back.

Taeil tells it all to Doyoung, sometimes spending too much time on small anecdotes, but if Doyoung minds, he doesn’t say it. He keeps writing diligently on his notebook, no questions asked, as Taeil drowned himself in the waters. There is no disapproval, unlike before. Doyoung presents himself as a blank paper, sometimes offering a word or two of comfort but not dwelling on it.

Taeil is quiet for a moment. Doyoung puts his notebook aside and moves to cover Taeil under blankets but he shakes his head.

“Go back to sleep, I will be back in a while,” he says, hopping from the bed. He turns off the lights on the bedroom once Doyoung is settled comfortably.

Taeil walks two flights of stairs for the rooftop. He opens the door loudly only to see a red-haired staring at the stars.

“Nightmares?” Taeyong inquires, shooting a quick look at the door’s direction.

“Guessed it,” Taeil replies, walking towards where Taeyong is and sitting beside him.

Even in the middle of the night, Taeyong is dressed in a buttoned up shirt and formal pants. Taeil feels awfully underdressed with his large hoodie, shorts and colorful socks.

“Don’t wanna fall asleep and fall in the same black hole. Why are you awake?”

“I have insomnia,” Taeyong answers nonchalantly.

He raises his hand and an object falls from it only to return to the palm of his hand again. A yellow yoyo. Taeyong plays with it masterfully, better than any child Taeil has seen before, and there’s a clear intimacy between him and the object. Taeyong rolls it up and down as if it’s his second nature, barely paying any attention to the toy as he stares at the sky.

Taeil pursues his lips as his eyes follow Taeyong’s elegant fingers and veiny hand. He endears himself of thoughts on what it's like to hold it again or maybe have it on his throat. The yoyo keeps swirling up and down.

“Is that your totem?” he asks, breaking the silence.

Taeyong catches the toy on his palm and turns back with a gaze full of intrigue. “Now how do you know what that is?”

“I have my sources,” Taeil shrugs, trying to contain his smile.

His source consisted of a very drunk Jaehyun who was easier to handle than Taeil would have thought. It was clear by Jaehyun’s darting eyes that he had felt cornered by Taeil’s questions, so he had suggested a deal. If Jaehyun answered his question honestly, Taeil would have to do the same.

Taeil immediately asked about what totems were. Even while drunk, Jaehyun carefully explained that totems were small physical objects that could help a dreamer differentiate the real world from a dream. The dreamer would know the consistency of the object so well that it’d tell him immediately when it wasn’t reality. He even went on to kindly show his own totem, the #2 pencil that he always kept inside his pocket and also disclosed that Doyoung’s was his wrist watch.

When Taeil inquired about Taeyong’s totem, Jaehyun tsked. “Time for my question,” he said. “What do you feel towards Taeyong?” A teasing smile had curled his lips as Taeil had almost choked on his laughter. Jaehyun was too drunk so only nonsense would come out of his mouth. Taeil dragged him to bed while giggling, Jaehyung whining that he didn’t do his end of the deal. Just as Taeil had set Jaehyun to bed, he left his bedroom and met Taeyong. There was an awkward silence for a moment and Taeil almost opened his mouth to explain himself but Taeyong was gone the next second.

On that cold rooftop, Taeil watches over Taeyong, trying to see if he’s guessed correctly.

“Yeah, it’s my totem,” Taeyong finally says, letting the ioio down once again. Taeil tries to catch it but Taeyong jerks his hand away. “You can’t touch it. Only I’m allowed to understand my totem.”

Taeil nods but he’s still mesmerized by the object. Taeyong waits a few seconds before he feels like it’s safe again to play with his totem.

“Why a yoyo?”

“It was the last thing my mom gave me.”

Taeil gulps. He wishes he was bold enough to caress Taeyong’s back. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“She is alive, only trapped in the limbo,” he explains, glassy eyes lost in the dark horizon. Limbo, shared unconstructed dream stage. It is said that only the ones that try to reach for the deepest fall into that vast world of imagination. “I tried to get her out but she’s in it too deep. I didn’t even know limbo could go down that much. She's built an entire city inside. It’d take me years trapped to find her.”

Taeil is speechless. Taeyong’s mother is in a coma in some hospital due to dreams and yet Taeyong continues diving deeper and deeper within them. Taeil notices Taeyong doesn’t simply like a challenge, his life is built around destroying mazes.

“I’m sorry.”

Taeyong catches the yoyo one more time. He squeezes it into his hand so tightly Taeil is surprised it didn’t crack.

“I just hope she’s happy…” he murmurs weakly.

Taeil opens his mouth to reassure him that he knows she is when suddenly Taeyong slips his yoyo inside his pocket to wrap Taeil’s small hands in his. Taeil looks up, speechless and with shivers running from his fingertips to down his spine.

“Promise me you won’t have a totem,” Taeyong requests, sounding a little desperate. Taeil hesitates. “Please, promise me, Taeil.”

Taeil isn’t one to make promises without understanding the reasons but Taeyong’s magnetic sharp eyes pull him in too deep and he sees himself whispering back, “I promise.”

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

  
The orange sun of the afternoon hits Taeil’s eyes and he is tired of covering them to get a few more minutes of sleep. The night before he spent some time with Taeyong on the rooftop. They held hands for a few minutes but Taeyong stopped after a few minutes. Taeil was upset but the next second Taeyong was using his blazer to cover Taeil’s legs in the cold night. They gazed at the city, its tall buildings cutting through the night sky at the distance.

Taeil picked up a rolled joint from his pocket. He asked if Taeyong minded. Taeyong shrugged but Taeil noticed him stiffening on his seat. He decided to ignore it and lit the joint, taking slow drags as he watched the sun slowly rise from beneath the skyscrapers.

He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep, but he remembers hearing the sound of birds chirping. Taeyong must have carried him to bed. Taeil has a blanket over his body and a kitten plush next to him.

Taeil blinks awake and drags himself out of bed. He wants to erase all memories of last night.

Today is one of those days where the team pays little to no attention to him. Jaehyun spends the day locked in his study, where Taeil is completely forbidden from entering because he cannot know the mazes in his dreams, Doyoung is in the library, reading and Taeyong is nowhere to be seen.

A small and yet unnerving anxiety expands inside Taeil’s throat. He keeps glancing at Taeyong’s bedroom door, waiting for him to open it so Taeil can thank him for the night before. Yet the door doesn’t move. It’s common for Taeyong to be out, researching about people in Taeil’s life, but he always comes back the same day or Taeil watches him when he leaves.

Only when the night falls and they are eating some wonderful pasta Jaehyun has cooked that Taeil dares to ask a question.

“Where’s Taeyong?”

Jaehyun has half spaghetti inside his mouth, the other half on his chin, but he still smirks as he slurps the food in. Doyoung rolls his eyes at his co-worker’s antics.

“He’s getting our chemist,” he informs dryly.

A few weeks ago, Taeil would have considered Doyoung’s behavior cold and stern. Now he sees it only as practical and reserved.

“Chemist? I thought you were the chemist,” Taeil says while frowning.

Doyoung is, for the first time, outraged. He puts his knife and fork aside to glare at Taeil. “I’m the point man.”

“What does the point man do?”

“Exactly!” Jaehyun yells, his mouth still full of food.

Doyoung looks absolutely disgusted, but relaxes the second his eyes lay on Taeil again. “I plan things. Make sure everything — and everyone — is in line and I’m versatile in all areas of dreaming,” he explains with a proud half-smile. He seems to remember something, so he adds, “Also my mind is the most stable for level three of shared dreaming.”

Level three of shared dreaming. A dream in a dream in a dream. Taeil wonders how meticulous Doyoung must be to have trained his mind to go this far without losing himself midway.

“Have you ever… gotten inside Taeyong’s subconscious?”

The question makes Doyoung’s smile drop. He doesn’t answer immediately, eyes gone wide and all composure lost.

“No one has,” Jaehyun says quietly.

Taeil hums at the answer, eyes darting across the room. “A dream man that doesn’t let others inside his dreams… Why?”

Doyoung brings Taeil back to reality with his stern voice. “Taeyong is very particular about his dreamworld and we respect that. We hope you respect it too.”

Taeil nods. Suddenly he has lost his appetite.

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The new chemist is a nice addition to the team. His loud personality seems to match Jaehyun’s teasing well and his eyes are bright, filled with wonder. The eyes of a younger soul.

Sungchan doesn’t need much time to quickly get adapted to the building’s living arrangements. He has known everybody there, apparently they were a team once before, but Taeyong had kicked him out by claiming he had too bright a future ahead to fall for dreams. Chemists aren’t strictly necessary unless it’s for level three dreaming, so the decision made sense at the time. Now that they plan on doing inception again, Sungchan is the only one they can trust.

Jaehyun seems happy his little brother is back. Taeil watches them as Jaehyun whispers something in Sungchan’s ear and the chemist’s eyes wander from Taeyong to Taeil before nodding and laughing. Doyoung looks worried, but he accepts Sungchan back with a tender heart and Taeyong just commands him to move into his old bedroom, the one he shared with Jaehyun apparently.

They throw him a welcome back party. It’s simple, Taeil has cooked for them a special recipe and Sungchan claims that he is in love with the food. They eat together and Taeil enjoys their funny stories about dream extractions. He has never seen Taeyong laughing this much as when Jaehyun shares about Doyoung’s argument with Sungchan because the chemist wanted to ride a rollercoaster while on a mission. Sungchan is quick to defend himself and also adds in his story of when Jaehyun had simply forgotten the line between dream and reality and tried convincing Doyoung there was no reality at all while they stood in a volcano that spilled snow.

Taeil laughs along, sometimes making questions and others simply expressing his surprise. He feels Taeyong’s eyes on him across the table, watching him laugh. Shivers run down Taeil’s spine, he feels unsure if he should stare back or enjoy the thrills of having Taeyong’s attention. He bites his lips before turning his head to face Taeyong.

As soon as he does it, Taeyong directs his attention to Doyoung. It is as if he doesn’t even know Taeil is on the table with them. Taeil clenches his jaw and gets up from the table. In his mind he makes up the excuse of getting some juice in the kitchen.

He’s just closed the fridge’s door when he’s met with Sungchan’s worried eyes. Any trace of wonder is wiped away from his gaze and somehow the chemist looks older.

“You have to stop,” Sungchan says clearly but he fails to meet Taeil’s eyes.

“What?”

“The… pills and everything else, you have to stop,” he repeats himself, eyes falling to Taeil’s arms. Taeil is wearing a hoodie but he still feels protective over his needle marks.

“Did Taeyong—“

Sungchan interrupts him before he can show any outrage. “Taeyong has nothing to do with this. I’ve seen your hands shaking and then you take a substance. Also, you don’t have any shame in showing your arms,” he says and stops. He seems regretful of his last sentence but merely sighs. “Look, I tell you this because your unconscious will be very unstable for dream levels. I don’t know when the mission is but you should start dropping them now so there will be less effects.”

Taeil’s throat feels dry. He nods, not having any strength to argue with Sungchan. Inside, he feels an unspoken fury. A kid who doesn’t even know who he is thinks he can dictate what Taeil can or can’t do. Fuck, it’d be funny if it didn’t hurt.

Taeil returns to the table after a few minutes and feels Taeyong’s eyes following his every move. He doesn’t look back.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

“Doyoung told me you’ve asked questions about me,” Taeyong says, startling Taeil.

Taeil had thought he’d be watching the city alone that night. He woke up to dreams of Yuta appearing to save him from a dangerous situation. Doyoung woke up before Taeil did and they resumed their usual questions as Taeil drank a cup of apple tea. When it was over, Taeil decided he didn’t feel like sleeping anymore.

He slowly walked to the rooftop. It was empty and so he decided to hang there for a few moments longer, ignoring the small sting of disappointment due to being alone. A few moments enjoying the sky on his own are soon ruined by Taeyong’s question.

Taeil turns around to see Taeyong. He must have been here for some time, since he relaxedly stands against the door.

“Ah, so is a point man nothing but your little spy,” Taeil replies with an arched eyebrow.

Taeyong walks towards where Taeil is sitting and takes his place beside him. He is wearing his usual formal clothes but carries his blazer with one hand on his back. Once he is seated, he covers Taeil’s legs with his jacket. Taeil loses a heartbeat due to the millisecond Taeyong accidentally touches his knee before dropping the article of clothing.

“He is my most trusted friend,” Taeyong states the obvious. “Are you puzzled by my dreams?”

Taeil bites his bottom lip, anxiously ripping the thin skin apart. “It’s unfair you can explore my mind and I can’t yours.”

“So this is about balance?”

“Partly, yes.”

Taeyong nods and looks to the city again. He seems lost in thought and Taeil curls on himself, pulling his legs closer to his body

“I know Sungchan has already started with some… ugly truths,” Taeyong speaks suddenly but softly. At the mention of Sungchan, the night wind becomes colder. “My friend can be too honest sometimes, but he does it with a good heart.”

“I believe you, but good intentions won’t make me drop what relieves my spirit,” Taeil replies coldly.

He’s dealt with people like this before. People who side eye him whenever he picks up a needle or snobbishly say they don’t need drugs to have fun. Neither does Taeil, he needs them to live each day without wanting to give up. Most people thought drugs brought their downfall quicker, but for Taeil, they slowed it down.

Taeyong had never been especially judgemental compared to others. His poker face hid his true feelings well and although he sometimes asks for Taeil to avoid them before certain activities, he hasn’t asked him to stop completely. Taeil thought Taeyong understood him.

“What will?”

It’s been a short conversation and yet it’s the second time Taeil is startled for the night. He hadn't expected Taeyong to offer a deal. His first instinct is to claim nothing will, but he knows that isn’t true.

“I’m a creature of challenge like you, but I like rewards,” Taeil says, building the mystery. Taeyong nods for him to go on. “Let me get into your dreams,” he requests, a half-smile weakly trembling on his lips.

Taeyong turns his face immediately. Taeil can’t quite see it, the lights of the rooftop cast shadows on his features.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Taeyong mutters.

“Please, you’ve seen me at my most vulnerable, it’s only fair I see you too,” Taeil insists, bordering a whine.

Silence falls, the far away sound of cars and crickets the only thing filling the night.

“My dreams aren’t safe,” Taeyong argues after a few minutes. Taeil feels defeated but Taeyong extends his hand for a handshake. A deal is sealed. “Hopefully you’ll forget this promise once you drop your addiction.”

Taeil doesn’t add anything to that. The rest of the night, they discard Taeil’s entire supply of heavy substances, only leaving him with a few sleeping pills and some weed for him to go through withdrawal step by step. It’ll be hard and, just as the first rays of sunshine strike through the night sky, Taeil starts regretting the deal. Then he feels Taeyong’s chest against his back and his arms wrapping around Taeil’s arms. Taeyong breath warms Taeil’s ear and their bodies are so close together, Taeil doesn’t know what to do. He leans his head on Taeyong’s chest, feeling his heartbeat.

Taeil looks up, confused by what any of that means and finds that Taeyong’s usually sharp eyes are soft. There’s a glimpse of pride and reassurance on his gaze, something so delicate it would have slipped Taeil completely if he hadn’t stared at his eyes back.

Just as Taeil is ready to open his mouth and thank Taeyong for serving as support during this, Taeyong picks him up. Taeil is on Taeyong’s shoulders the next second, being dragged to his own bedroom.

Taeyong drops Taeil on the bed gently and covers him with his blanket. Taeil looks up at him and Taeyong scratches his head and taps his feet on the floor. He suddenly acts awkward and looks around.

“Goodnight,” he murmurs, before swiftly leaving the room. He forgets his blazer on the bed but Taeil uses it as a pillow as he falls asleep.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Fuck, if he was only fighting addiction, this might have been easier. The symptoms vary according to the day. It starts with a never ending nausea and headache. Taeil can’t even take a few steps from his bed without wanting to throw up, the bad feeling under his nose simply doesn’t go away and, god, his head feels as if it has just been pounded against a door.

He spends entire days inside his bedroom, Doyoung takes the role of caring for him, literally feeding him and helping whenever Taeil needs to go shower. He also doesn’t mind cooking for him, assigning him some nausea medication and keeping anyone from disturbing him.

Taeil misses Jaehyun’s jokes and deep inside he wants to hear Sungchan say he’s proud of the decision he’s taken, but it’s fucking hard when everything in his body hurts and he wishes he could at least smoke something so it’d go away but he can’t.

He feels weak and humiliated. Taeil breaks down crying on day two, after Doyoung has helped him get to the bathroom and Taeil gets diarrhea. It’s pathetic and he starts crying, only for Doyoung to barge in and help him clean himself. Taeil is so weak he can’t stand up on the shower, all he does is cry but Doyoung softly reassures him Taeil is doing great, things will get better.

His lack of appetite is frowned upon. Doyoung tries to make him eat small things. A banana can help with diarrhea and also has many calories to energize Taeil for the day but Taeil can’t make it get past his throat. Doyoung mashes the banana and sprinkles a little honey in it. Taeil shakes his head but Doyoung insists, Taeil hasn’t eaten the entire day. Taeil finally accepts it, but after three bites he’s done, his throat won’t let anything go through it.

One symptom he is thankful for is his insomnia. He can’t sleep, therefore Yuta can’t haunt him in his dreams. He still comes, in different forms, lingering in with Taeil’s anxiety or a sudden appearance during Taeil’s depressive episodes. Taeil wonders what he would say if he had seen him in that state. Would he break up with him again, laugh at his face, tell all the truths Taeil knows but doesn’t want to hear. Maybe Yuta would destroy Taeil softly with his words. He would crumble down, become nothing more than tears and eventually resort to the drugs he had sworn never to take again.

Perhaps… Yuta would take care of him. He’s done so before, he could do it again, pick Taeil up and put him on his feet. Shower him with kisses where tears stream down his face, sing sweet lullabies as Taeil falls asleep while nuzzling against his chest. Taeil would wake up feeling sick and Yuta would care for him and make Taeil smile while doing it. It’d be peaceful, it’d be good, it’d certainly be better than what he’s going through now.

After a week, the effects aren’t as intense as before. Taeil can stand on his two feet without feeling dizzy and he eats more each day. His mood swings are hard to predict, he bursts into tears a few times a day and sometimes, Doyoung is luckily there to help him, but on other days he’s on his own in that cold, dark bedroom, clinging to a dirty blazer and blanket.

Only after two weeks go by, Taeil decides to finally leave his bedroom. Light harms his eyes and he feels completely wasted, but he needs fresh air and he needs to feel in control again. The worse has gone by.

He enters the living room. Jaehyun stops sketching, Sungchan instantly hides the needle he is about to insert in Taeyong’s arm and Doyoung shoots him a half smile. They soon return to their tasks, not making a big deal out of it, probably due to Doyoung’s strict instructions. Taeil is glad. He walks to the kitchen and gets a cup of orange juice.

The effects linger to him throughout the next weeks, most of all his mood changes. He doesn’t let anyone get too close to him and is often locked in his bedroom, but when he comes out, depending on his mood, it can be quite harsh.

“I never know what you do,” Taeil comments dryly as he watches Doyoung, Jaehyun and Taeyong discussing quietly in the living room.

“You are our subject,” Taeyong replies, returning his attention towards Jaehyun and Doyoung.

“I’m paying you…” Taeil speaks, feeling his throat restrain his voice.

Doyoung looks weary. They had experienced a few of Taeil’s mood tantrums lately. He had attempted running from the building to get more supplies and even tried to get a hold of his phone to call Yuta. Doyoung calmed him as the others locked the doors and kept his phone away. Later, Taeil had thanked them, always embarrassed after the flow of emotion had left his body.

Jaehyun is the first one to try to appease him. “Why don’t you visit the dreaming? You can see more of what we do.”

“I am haunted by the love of my life, I don’t think so,” Taeil answers harshly.

Doyoung hums and brings all attention to him. He then smacks his tongue. “Perhaps you should go with someone else, then if Yuta appears, he just kills you and the dream is over.”

Taeil loses a little of the revulsion he had felt. His posture relaxes and he grunts in interest.

“I’m sure Taeyong will be a great partner,” Doyoung adds with a smile.

Taeyong turns to Doyoung. His eyes can probably cut his friend in half. “Why me?”

“Don’t you like to explore the dreaming?” Doyoung inquires mildly.

“I like to be asked first.”

Taeil decides to interrupt the quarrel that will unfold. “I’d rather go with Jaehyun,” he announces.

Jaehyun looks up, a smirk on his lips as he takes Taeil’s hand and kisses it. He kneels for a second to dramatically accept his invitation. Doyoung rolls his eyes at the scene but Taeil blushes and smiles. It’s his first smile of the day.

“Jaehyun can accidentally show you his mazes and all our work will be undone. Taeyong is the best suited to go with you,” Doyoung informs, throwing cold water on the two of them.

Taeil doesn’t fight Doyoung, in the end he’s learned the point man only does what’s best for him and the team. His eyes fall on Taeyong, who doesn’t seem displeased with the news, only uncomfortable.

Taeyong decides to take the first test at that moment. They can have a quick ten minute dream and spend two hours in the dream world. Sungchan applies a weak sedative and soon Taeil is dozing off.

Taeil opens his eyes to a rainy day at the beach. His body feels lighter. Some effects of withdrawal are still there but most of them were being lifted from his shoulders. From the mist, a man walks towards Taeil. He has an umbrella on his hands and is wearing a loose buttoned shirt and jeans.

Taeil goes to him, suddenly noticing he’s soaking wet from the rain. He steps under Taeyong’s umbrella.

“Why is it raining?”

Taeyong looks down, messy hair falling on his eyes. “That’s a question you should ask yourself.”

Taeil doesn’t like the rain. He wants it to stop. “Can’t-Can’t I change it?”

“Not even the most talented of architects can change some things,” Taeyong speaks wisely. Taeil deflates and considers asking for Taeyong to forge him a gun so the dream is over already. Taeyong offers him his hand. “What we can do is do the best to cherish it.”

Taeil takes the hand. Taeyong drops the umbrella and drags Taeil towards the ocean. Taeil is reluctant at first, trying to get away from his grip.

“I can’t swim.”

“We will stay close to shore and you can hold onto me.”

Taeyong is strong and soon the waves crash on their bodies together. Taeil is horrified for a moment, worried about his cell phone getting wet or where he would find extra clothes when he finally notices he doesn’t have anything to worry about. He’s already soaked from the rain and besides this is a dream.

Taeyong extends his hand once again towards Taeil. His smile shines brighter than the grey sun behind him and he calls for Taeil with a hope only worth of dreams.

Taeil doesn’t take his hand. He jumps onto Taeyong, wrapping his legs around his hips. Taeyong holds him against his body and they dive into the waves. The ocean under them is so much bigger than Taeil had expected and yet his eyes still fall on Taeyong’s.

Taeyong’s hand rests on Taeil’s back and it pulls him closer. Taeil is mesmerized by Taeyong’s wild locks floating around his face in the water. He comes closer and hides his head on Taeyong’s shoulder, his lips faintly touch Taeyong’s neck.

They emerge when there isn’t air in his lungs anymore. Even in dreams, pain is very real. They breathe heavily and enjoy the rain falling on their face. Taeil closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, Taeyong is staring.

They spend the rest of their time swimming in the sea or dancing in the rain. Taeil ignores the shivers Taeyong causes all over his body, but can’t help when he notices Taeyong’s eyes on his mouth and instantly licks his lips. It’s all easily ignored with a splash of water or silly little dance. Taeil doesn’t let go of Taeyong while in the water, afraid he will lose himself to the waves and drown in the dream. Taeyong holds him by the waist. Maybe Taeil will drown into his eyes. A loud ringing bell disturbs the dreaming.

They are back to reality, only ten minutes have gone by but everything is different. There’s some awkwardness between Taeil and Taeyong, a weird feeling of getting used to reality. Taeyong murmurs a quick goodbye and returns to the meeting with Jaehyun and Doyoung.

Only when he’s gone does Taeil notice the effects of withdrawal slowly returning to his body. Yuta returns to his mind as well. For the first time in months, he didn’t appear in one of Taeil’s dreams.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

They fall into an easy routine. Taeyong and Taeil explore the dreamworld together. There are a few rules. They always dive into Taeil’s mind, the dreams cannot take place in a real environment and Taeil has to trust Taeyong without thinking twice.

Together they explore forests, skyscrapers, mountains and cities they’ve never gone to. Sometimes Taeil likes to research about a place and Jaehyun teaches him how to conceive it into the dreaming. In the dream, everything feels lighter. Taeyong softens to his touch and is much more affectionate, allowing himself to caress Taeil’s face as they sit in a canoe under the moonlight. Taeil knows it’s dangerous to give in to Taeyong’s touches, but he can’t help himself.

For better or worse, it seems like his dreams are very familiar with the art of sabotage. Whenever Taeil’s lips accidentally brush on Taeyong’s cheek or when Taeyong holds his waist a little too tight against himself, Yuta appears from the mist.

Taeyong acts fast. Taeil has lost count on how many different ways he’s been murdered by Taeyong in his sleep. He’s drowned, shot, hit and suffocated Taeil before Yuta can even say hi or sneak his hand on Taeil. He always wakes up startled, breathing rapidly. Taeyong wakes up a few seconds after him, since the dream crashes whenever the dreamer dies or wakes up.

Taeil sometimes complains Taeyong could try killing him more softly, but is always ignored with a chuckle. In the end, it’s the best solution. Taeyong keeps Yuta away from his shared dreams.

As for real dreams, when Taeil is truly unconscious, Yuta still makes appearances. More often than ever now, since Taeil doesn’t have any substances to appease his mind. However, other faces start to appear. Taeil has dreamed of Jaehyun and planning entire cities with his friend, Doyoung also participates in some dreams, trying to warn Taeil of something or take care of him and Sungchan, even though the least frequent visitor, also shows up for the adventures.

Taeyong is by far the person Taeil has dreamt about the most after Yuta. Taeil felt weird after Taeyong’s first appearance, he even doubted that wasn’t a shared dream, however real dreams are quick to vanish his mind. Taeil can’t even remember what the forger did inside his dream, he just remembers he was there and it reassured him.

One night, Taeil wakes up from a nightmare. He knows Yuta was there, but something tells him Taeyong was there too. He remembers being in a dark house with Yuta and Taeyong, putting flowers in a casket. It was dark and they spoke in whispers. Suddenly, Taeil heard a strong wind. When he looked outside in his yard there was a lake surrounded by houses. Each of the houses caught fire, one by one, coming closer to the one where they were. Taeil grabbed Yuta and Taeyong’s hands, going up a flight of stairs, but Taeyong pulled him down. Taeil tried to tell him to come with him but Taeyong was already being consumed by the flames.

Taeil opens his eyes. It’s dark and he’s managed not to make much noise to wake Doyoung up. He slips outside to make himself some tea. On the rooftop, he meets Taeyong.

They nod at each other and Taeil drinks his tea silently. It isn’t as good and warm as the one Doyoung makes for him, but it’ll have to be enough for that night.

“Thank you for helping me through this,” he says, after almost an hour of them staring at the city in silence.

“I’m only doing my job.”

Taeil looks up to him, curious about how much truth there is to his answer. Taeyong picks up something in his pocket.

“For luck,” he says, offering Taeil a pretty four leafed clover. Taeil has never seen one in his life and takes some time staring at it.

He accepts the clover and his hand touches Taeyong’s as he takes it on his fingers.

“Been needing this for some time…” he sighs with exhaustion.

“I can add a good luck kiss as well to boost your luck up,” Taeyong replies with a wink. It’s very out of character for him to be this bold and he seems to regret it immediately, coldly looking away.

“I don’t need that much luck,” Taeil replies but lays his head on Taeyong’s bony shoulder. Taeyong seems to relax under him.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The next day, they wake up on the rooftop. It feels weird. Taeil either goes back to bed at night or he wakes up in his bedroom, but Taeyong has slept there as well. His sharp features soften when he’s asleep, _truly_ asleep and not in some shared dreaming state. One of his arms is wrapped around Taeil, who breathes softly against his chest, their legs are intertwined and he snores soundly. Taeyong never snores when he’s dream sharing, always so alert.

They are lucky they’ve slept under a shadow thrown by the building’s structure and even so the sun shines very bright around them. Taeil blinks awake, but still feels sleepy. He nuzzles against Taeyong’s chest, which apparently stirs something in Taeyong. The forger squints his eyes and his grip around Taeil tightens only for his eyes to flutter open. They stare at each other for a second before quickly distancing themselves.

Taeyong avoids Taeil’s eyes at all costs and so Taeil decides to avoid Taeyong as well. He goes down the flight of stairs only to meet the team hanging in the living room.

“I was wondering where you were,” Doyoung says as he closes his book. “Were you there all night?”

Taeil opens his mouth to reply, only to be followed by Taeyong’s steps as he walks down the stairs. Doyoung purses his lips into a thin line. Unfortunately, the others aren’t as subtle. Sungchan’s eyes widen and Jaehyun gasps loudly.

Taeyong directs his gaze towards Jaehyun. “Don’t start,” and marches back to his bedroom.

Taeil feels near feverish and decides to take a shower to cool down. The rest of the day goes normally.

Later that same day, Jaehyun innocently asks Taeil to call Taeyong for dinner since he’s too busy building a maquette. Sungchan seems to be busy in his underground lab as well and Doyoung has gone out due to some financial business so he remains the smart choice.

Taeil knocks on Taeyong’s door before hearing him say “come in”. After opening the door, Taeil tries to keep his eyes from darting through Taeyong’s room, he doesn’t want to appear as nosy.

Taeyong is laying on the floor, shirtless and assembling the biggest puzzle Taeil has ever seen. He doesn’t even raise his eyes at the intruder, too focused on the piece in his hands. Only after a few seconds of Taeil’s silence he looks up.

An awkward silence falls between them. Taeil tries not to let his eyes wander through Taeyong’s body but finds it hard when it calls for him. He decides to keep his eyes glued to the floor as he quickly informs Taeyong that dinner is ready and rushes away to lock himself in his room. He will eat later.

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Sweat drips down Taeil’s spine as Yuta’s hands boldly reach for his thighs. Taeil sighs and tries closing his legs, but Yuta keeps them spread. Taeil doesn’t remember how, but he’s naked and Yuta makes full use of that. He trails his fingers up and down Taeil’s thigh, until it reaches Taeil’s erection. He smirks before he strokes it. Taeil whines for him to stop but he’s enjoying it way too much. His mind feels fuzzy.

He closes his eyes for a moment, a lubed finger penetrates his hole. Taeil opens his eyes to find Taeyong between his legs, adding a second finger. Taeil is shocked but a moan escapes his lips. Taeyong’s veiny hands feel even better than Yuta’s. Taeyong is wearing his usual formal clothes. The only difference is that his shirt is unbuttoned and Taeil’s eyes can trail up and down his torso as much as he wants.

Taeyong uses his free hand to caress Taeil’s thigh and plants small kisses there as well. Taeil pulls Taeyong closer to him, he wants to taste his lips. He’s so close to coming, Taeyong moves the hand on Taeil’s thigh to his erection to pump it a few times before he releases. Just as Taeil orgasms, Taeyong raises his head to kiss his lips.

Taeil wakes up in a cold sweat. His senses are heightened. He is so lucky Doyoung has recently traveled on business or else he might have heard Taeil’s pitiful moans. Taeil feels the hard-on between his legs.

He wishes it’d go away, vanish. Right now, it just serves as a memory of what he’s just dreamed and touching himself would be enabling that dream. Even the thought of jerking himself off quickly makes him feel dirty. He closes his eyes and feels Taeyong’s fingers inside him again.

Taeil jumps from his bed and runs to the shower. He doesn’t think twice before turning the cold water on and getting under it, in hopes it’d make his erection turn into an hallucination from moments ago.

“Taeil?” Taeyong’s voice is muffled by the door and running water, but it’s still easily identifiable and it causes Taeil to go stiff.

Taeil tries to ignore him and prays for his erection to soften sooner.

“What are you doing taking a shower?” Taeyong asks.

“I-I— I felt dirty,” Taeil stutters out. It isn’t exactly a lie…

He looks down at his length, it simply won’t go down. How many more minutes he’ll have to indulge in freezing cold water only so it will go away? Maybe it’d be easier to just call Taeyong over and use his hands, get it over it. They’d change the water to hot and maybe Taeyong’s fingers would adventure inside Taeil as well.

“Is everything okay?” Taeyong pulls Taeil away from his daydreaming.

“Can you please leave me alone for a moment, Taeyong? _Please_ ,” Taeil asks, frustrated and exasperated.

Taeyong doesn’t say another word before he leaves. Finally, Taeil feels himself deflating and something tells him it isn’t the cold water.

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The dream dates are suspended without much notice. It’s almost as if Taeil and Taeyong have reached a silent agreement that they should put some distance between each other.

Doyoung takes a bigger role in Taeil’s life, making more detailed entrances on Taeil’s dreams. Since Jaehyun can’t be the one to explore the dreaming with Taeil, he asks for Sungchan to accompany him. He isn’t as quick at killing Taeil when Yuta appears, but Taeil is still interested in the labs and university halls Sungchan takes him through.

At home, he spends most of his time with Jaehyun, cooking and experimenting new plates together. The kitchen has become their kingdom as they bake cookies, make some pasta and mix a new sauce. It busies Taeil’s mind with flour and chuckles instead of Yuta and nightmares.

Taeyong sometimes barges into the kitchen to fetch a snack for himself or a glass of water. Taeil tries not gazing at him whenever he comes and they don’t interact. One time, he enters the room exactly when Taeil is cleaning flour from Jaehyun’s golden curls. Taeil instantly backs away from what he was doing, his face heats up and he tries focusing on something until Taeyong leaves. His eyes betray him as they rise up to meet Taeyong’s sharp gaze just moments before he leaves.

Jaehyun and Sungchan often question Taeil what’s going on, but Taeil simply shrugs. Doyoung also questions Taeil, but the subject matter changes to that of the unconscious.

“Do you think Yuta has appeared more or less in your dreams lately?” Doyoung asks, sitting by Taeil’s bed and handing him natural mint tea.

“More,” Taeil replies. Doyoung raises an eyebrow, signaling for Taeil to dwell on it further. “I’ve been clean for a while…”

Doyoung nods and takes notes. “Has his projection changed?”

“Not really.”

“Has anything about your dreams changed?”

Taeil gulps. “I don’t see the point in these questionnaires,” he protests.

Doyoung doesn’t fight back. He agrees, closes his notebook and gets up, walking towards the door.

“What… what are dreams?” Taeil asks before Doyoung can leave. Doyoung turns around with a frown. Taeil explains himself better. “What do they mean? When I dream of teeth… Does that symbolize death? What does it mean when I dream of Yuta?”

Doyoung takes his seat again next to the bed and begins to speak, calm and slow. “I’m too rational to assign a certain symbol of a dream to mean the same for everyone, Taeil. Your unconscious is an unmapped landscape that not even yourself can fully discover. It shapes a personality in ways no one can quite understand. It sees symbols in what others might see as objects or common people.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “The field of dreams is one very explored, but I’m one for enjoying psychoanalysis. Freud is all about the hidden meaning, what you are hiding from yourself so deep that even in dream it has codes. While Jung thinks that dreams speak openly, but through symbols. It depends on how you look at it.”

Taeil nods. It all sounds like gibberish to him. He blindly believes psychoanalysis because it’s made him understand himself better but whenever his psychoanalyst spoke of Freud or Lacan, he became too confused to keep up.

“How do you look at it?”

Doyoung half-smiles. “I like Jung’s concept of shadow… As for dreams, I don’t think that was his forte,” he says, hiding himself behind enigmas. Taeil is even more lost than before and Doyoung seems to notice it for he holds his hand for a moment.

“In the end, it doesn’t matter what you’re hiding from yourself, but why you’re hiding.”

Those words echo through Taeil’s brain until he catches his sleep again.

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeyong hears the door open, but he refrains from looking around. Just from the sound of his steps, Taeyong already knows that’s not Taeil.

“What’s up between you two?” Jaehyun asks, sitting in the spot usually reserved for the subject.

“Nothing.”

“You aren’t talking…”

Taeyong sighs. From all the times Jaehyun could have chosen to confront him, must it be when he’s in his secret haven? “He just needs a break. Dream exploring can be too much.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. There is no teasing smile on his lips. “You and Doyoung… you two always keep secrets from me and that’s fine. But this time, Taeil is our subject, I need to know if you are compromised.”

“I’m _not_ compromised,” Taeyong says, starting to get really annoyed by Jaehyun. “This is nothing, now quit it.”

Jaehyun gets up. “Do you miss him?” he asks one last question. Taeyong chooses to ignore him and turns his face. “Not compromised my ass,” Jaehyun mutters, leaving Taeyong alone, just as he has been for the past nights.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

It’s lunch time so they are all cooking. Taeil is cutting the tomatoes while Doyoung and Jaehyun take care of the chicken. Sungchan has no idea what to do in the kitchen so Taeyong is helping him out with simple tasks. Taeil’s cell phone suddenly rings and he asks for Sungchan to fetch it for him.

The name of the caller appears in big white bold letters for everyone to see. Taeil isn’t sure if he should swipe right.

Jaehyun is the first one who tries to intervene, “You don’t have to—“

“Pick up,” Taeyong commands softly.

Taeil looks at him for a sign and Taeyong nods reassuringly. He answers the call before the phone stops ringing.

“H-hi.”

Yuta’s voice is still as compelling as always. “Hey, Illie, how have you been?”

They engage in small talk, although Taeil is uncertain about where that will lead them. After a few moments talking about the weather, Yuta interrupts himself.

“I’ve been thinking… I miss you, Il,” he murmurs against the phone. Taeil feels shivers all over his spine, the memory of Yuta whispering those words to his ear not yet gone.

“I miss you too,” he breathes out. His heart fills with hope.

“Why don’t you and your boyfriend come over for tea? You’re still together, right?” Yuta’s question shatters Taeil’s heart but there’s still some pride in knowing that, even if fictionally, Taeil is still dating in Yuta’s eyes.

“Taeyong would love to. Text me the details,” he replies before disconnecting the call.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

They are sitting at a white table in Yuta’s Japanese garden. Taeil has asked for natural mint tea and some cookies while Taeyong shares wine with Yuta. They seem amicable and apparently have more in common than Taeil had thought. They discuss their love for puzzles and enigmas, even recommending different games to play to each other.

Taeyong has a possessive hand carefully caressing Taeil’s thigh as he talks with Yuta. Even if Taeil is quiet for most of the meeting, he still tries participating in the conversation. He doesn’t let his eyes admire Yuta’s features for too long, instead focusing on Taeyong’s sharp jaw and intense gaze. He is very charming, nodding as Yuta speaks and then adding his own thoughts on the matter. Without even noticing, Taeil curls up against his body, resting his head on his shoulder for a moment.

His eyes meet Yuta’s across the table, sending him cold shivers down his spine, and he straightens his back. If Taeyong notices his odd behavior, he doesn’t mention it. His hand remains on Taeil’s thigh.

Soon their conversation subsides to simple hums and nods. Taeil sips his tea quietly, afraid a tense atmosphere is to come.

“I’m clean,” he announces, out of nowhere.

That statement immediately captures Yuta’s attention, who raises his eyebrows. “Oh?”

When Yuta had first broken up with him and the dreams had started, Taeil had resorted to opioids to keep himself sane. He had begged Yuta to take him back and Yuta had even accepted to be friends out of pity. He had tried to get Taeil clean, but had given up when he had seen Taeil did not want to get better. Taeil doesn’t blame him. Dealing with addicts can be hard.

“Y-yeah, Taeyong supported me to get clean and… it was hard work, but I’ve been clean for a few months,” he says, holding Taeyong’s hand in his. Taeyong gives it a gentle squeeze and they smile.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Yuta says, taking a gulp from his wine.

Their small tea date is almost over when Taeyong excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Taeil watches him go for a few moments before turning his head to face Yuta.

“Why did you invite me all of the sudden?” he inquires, leaning closer.

“I missed you, is that such a weird thing? We lived together for years, you were my best friend…”

There’s some nostalgia in Yuta's voice but Taeil chooses not to fall for it. “Yeah, but why invite Taeyong?”

“I needed to check him, make sure he’s good for you. Sources say he’s a dream extractor, you can never be too careful about these types,” Yuta replies.

Of course Yuta has sent investigators to search through Taeyong’s life. Maybe he even knows what Taeil's business with Taeyong is and is playing ignorant.

“I can take care of myself.”

Yuta tilts his head. His bangs fall on his eyes. His voice leaves his lips in a soft murmur. “Hm, can you, baby? You were always so innocent and naive, you can't blame me for wanting to keep you safe.”

  
◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeyong’s return puts Taeil at ease for some time. He tries to ignore Yuta’s presence and barely says anything after their conversation. It doesn’t take long for them to be dismissed, Yuta’s time is precious and he can’t waste it all on a meeting with his ex and his ex’s boyfriend.

Before leaving, Yuta kisses Taeil’s cheeks and whispers he misses him one last time. Taeyong watches, but doesn’t seem to mind the show of skinship. Taeil holds Taeyong’s hand and they are guided towards the exit by one of Yuta’s butlers.

They get to the car but don’t make it too far. Taeil feels something coming up his throat and yells for Taeyong to stop the car. He opens the door and lets it all out in the cold asphalt.

He doesn’t notice that Taeyong has parked and left the car, until he feels his long fingers caressing his back. Taeil can’t even turn to face it, he feels a second wave and he throws up on the sidewalk the next second. The tea tastes disgusting when it’s regurgitated.

Taeyong doesn’t say a word. He lets Taeil regain his breathing and then offers him a bottle of water. Taeil takes it from his hand and uses it to clean his mouth from the taste of vomit before spitting on the sidewalk. Finally, he takes a sip of water.

“Sorry you have to see this again,” he murmurs, so embarrassed that he can’t even meet Taeyong’s eyes.

Taeyong doesn’t reply. Taeil can’t stand being next to his vomit anymore and stands up, but he isn’t stable enough and loses his balance. Taeyong, though, is faster than him and catches him before he falls. Taeil crashes on Taeyong’s chest and bursts into tears.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking weak,” Taeil whines, trying to keep himself from crying but failing. His words are muffled by Taeyong’s beige suit.

“Vulnerability isn’t weakness,” Taeyong replies. He places his hand on Taeil’s hair for a moment before Taeil takes a step back.

“Don’t lie to me, Taeyong, you don’t even show a change of expression,” Taeil retorts bitterly.

“I don’t do so because you’re my subject, you shouldn’t be able to read me.”

“I have to dissect myself open to anyone that wishes, but no one shows their weaknesses to me. You can’t even keep the part of the deal of taking me into your dreams,” Taeil complains, taking one step further away.

Taeyong doesn’t reply and, for a brief moment, Taeil feels victorious in this small argument. In the end, it doesn’t leave him a good feeling when he’s just thrown up on the side of the road because of his ex boyfriend.

Taeil starts walking towards the car but stops at the sound of Taeyong’s voice. “If I don’t show you my dreams, it’s for your safety, not my own.”

Taeil turns around, even more incensed than before. Everyone seems to care so much about Taeil, it’s a wonder how he always gets fucked up. He walks decisively towards Taeyong, ready to start a real argument but is shut down at the sight of Taeyong’s eyes, glassy with tears.

“When my mother fell in the limbo, she was traveling through my dreams,” Taeyong explains. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “It was supposed to be a simple extraction job, I was getting myself into too much trouble and she wanted to know if I was hiding something… She must have made a mistake, when I woke up she was in a coma and no matter how many times I tried rescuing her, she was nowhere I looked.”

His voice didn’t crack and no tears fell down his cheeks, but his statement was heavy with regret and loneliness. Taeil finds that his anger has changed into sympathy.

“Taeyong-” he starts to say, wanting to take him into his arms for comfort.

Taeyong interrupts him by holding his wrist. “If you fall into the limbo-”

“I won’t.”

“If you do, promise me you’ll dream of our rainy beach. I’ll dream of it too and I’ll be able to save you. Please,” he asks, a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Promise,” Taeil nods without thinking twice.

“And you will stay on that beach, no matter how long I take to get you,” Taeyong adds, still anxiously waiting for Taeil’s response.

“I will do whatever you ask me to do, Yong. Now will you please let me hug you?”

Taeyong nods and Taeil places his head on his chest, wrapping his arms around his torso. Taeyong’s breathing is heavy at first but it normalizes soon. Hearing his heartbeat makes Taeil feel at peace.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

They return to the realm of the dreaming. Taeil hadn’t realised he missed it so much, dream sharing could be addicting. Building worlds from scratch, feeling experiences he’s never had before which were just as believable as in the real world but without the risks.

Taeyong is addictive as well. Taeil likes to observe him - the lines of his face, the way he moves, the way he speaks. His touches linger on Taeil’s skin and he wants more and more, even though he shouldn’t want more. Taeil has always been easily lured by vices, but he tries to keep himself from falling too fast this time. It’s proven difficult when he’s taken to dates in places straight from Taeyong’s imagination.

One night they go to a lake so transparent, it reflects the entire shining sky above them. It’s almost as if they are surrounded by stars everywhere they look. Taeyong smiles as his eyes lay on Taeil and he whispers, “I count three moons in total.”

It’s hard for Taeil’s heart not to flutter. In those moments, he oftens sees Taeyong take out his yoyo to briefly play with it and return it to his pocket.

“Why do you do this?” Taeil suddenly asks.

Taeyong tilts his head in confusion and Taeil signals the totem kept inside Taeyong’s pocket.

“Somethings, Taeil, they feel too good to be true.”

Taeil doesn’t understand but doesn’t question it. He lays his head on Taeyong’s chest and they rest while looking at the stars. Taeyong brushes Taeil’s hair with one hand as he points at each star with the other. He gives each of those shining points in the sky a new name. They are all his creations, after all.

“Will you change the name of the moon too?” Taeil asks, a little too daring.

Taeyong shakes his head. “I will name the star next to it Yong, so it can keep the moon safe.”

Taeil feels shivers down his spine. The next second, he sees Yuta approaching from the lake. He seems very friendly that day but Taeil can’t take any risks. He shows Yuta to Taeyong, who quickly grabs Taeil’s hand and leads him to a dark place in the night. They keep walking fast, as Taeil can hear approaching footsteps.

Taeyong stops and Taeil is about to ask him why did he when he notices there’s a door. Taeyong picks a key and quickly unlocks it. Taeil can see Yuta emerging from the darkness and approaching them. Taeyong pulls Taeil to the other side and slams the door shut before locking it.

Taeil closes his eyes. The sudden brightness blinds them. When he finally gets used to it, he sees they were previously in a tunnel. Now, Taeil stares at an open green field. It feels infinite.

“May I ask… what Yuta does to frighten you so much?” Taeyong questions as he catches his breath.

Taeil lays on the grass. “I can’t say. He was a very important person in my life, I built myself around him. I never noticed how important he was until he was gone. Then the dreams started.” He pauses for a moment. Taeyong lays next to him, still waiting for him to continue. “I have dreamt of him from many angles. Sometimes it’s lovingly, others violent. Once I dreamt he slapped me across the face four times, yet in reality he was never physical with me,” he trails off, more confused with himself the more he spoke.

“The unconscious is a never-ending map,” Taeyong answers, making Doyoung’s words echo through Taeil’s mind. They are really close friends.

“I can’t read it and end up being lost in myself,” Taeil sighs. “I feel like I don’t let myself forget him, it’s like a mark in my brain, he will never go away,” he murmurs. Yuta was his life for so long, how could Taeil erase his existence without a team of specialists? And even so, there’s a chance it won’t be successful.

“Maybe I’ll be cursed forever,” Taeil mutters at the end.

He can even picture it: Moon Taeil, forever haunted by dreams. Luckily, he would put an end to his existence before it went on for long.

Taeyong shakes his head. “Every curse can be broken,” he whispers by Taeil’s ear. His breath feels softer than the grass they are laying down on.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

“Why can’t I look at you?” Taeil asks as he crosses his arms and stares at the ceiling. He’s counted the small stars painted on those walls far too many times.

“You can do whatever you want. The process of the divan is different for everyone,” his psychologist replies with serenity.

Taeil turns his body a little and takes a peek from the divan. His psychologist is half-smiling at him. Ever since Taeil’s been clean, their sessions have become lighter and Taeil could see the man giving in to his casual change of topics and indulging him in some questions on psychoanalysis.

“Don’t you hate the silence in the beginning of a session?” Taeil inquires.

In his first session, he had been dragged by Yuta and put on the sofa in front of his analyst. Yuta had left, his psychoanalyst didn’t say a word. Taeil cried for the entire session, hiding his face behind his hands, but didn’t dare say a single word. When time was up, his psychologist kindly touched Taeil’s shoulder and guided him towards the exit, saying he’d like to see Taeil again the next week. In seven days, Taeil was there, sitting in an armchair and awkwardly staring at anything in the room but his therapist. Finally, Taeil opened his mouth and a weird sound came out of it. His throat was dry after not speaking for so long. His analyst offered him a glass of water. The cup had a cute drawing of a giraffe and Taeil shared he wanted to be a zookeeper when he was a child. His psychologist didn’t say a word, simply nodded, and some fifteen minutes later Taeil was confessing between tears on the time when he was eight and he let his younger sister’s cup of juice fall and when he asked for another one, they told him no and he felt so helpless and alone that he couldn’t take care of her.

“No, it’s a silent question for you to speak about anything you wish to speak,” his psychologist replies.

Taeil hums but remains in silence for a few more moments. He has issues that are filling his mind at the moment, but he’s been avoiding mentioning it at the session, afraid that if he speaks about them, they will become real. He decides to just stick to what he usually talks about.

“I’m getting anxious about the inception, it still hasn’t been done and Yuta’s projection keeps chasing after me.”

His psychoanalyst listens to him in silence. Sometimes he hums after Taeil asks him a question, only to check if he’s still there. Logically Taeil knows he is still there, but the fact that he can’t see him and he’s been talking by himself for so long make him unsure. Finally, he’s done talking, too tired to utter another word.

His psychologist welcomes the silence for a few minutes before asking him a question. “Has Taeyong been appearing in your dreams again?”

Taeil stirs in the divan. It’s not often his therapist asks a question, but whenever he does, it’s like he adds a knife to his heart.

“How do you always manage to touch the subject I most want to avoid?”

“My job is to analyze you.”

Taeil hums. His therapist waits for the answer he isn’t willing to give. “You follow Lacan’s methodology on psychoanalysis, right?”

“Lacan called himself a Freundian,” his psychologist says. Taeil sighs, already picturing the usual smirk on his face whenever he says that.

“Right. Do Freud and Lacan think the same about dreams?”

His psychoanalyst doesn't answer immediately. He is always overly careful when speaking of psychoanalysis theory with Taeil. “Lacan reanalyzed some of Freud’s dreams… He said dreams were real life, one that we had no control over. Reality is fiction that you can write yourself.”

Taeil feels weak on his divan, thoughts quickly becoming fuzzy. “I cannot even imagine how he got to that conclusion… It’s too much of a burden to say I write my own fate.”

His therapist chuckles. “It’s also quite freeing as well, don’t you think?” he questions but Taeil can’t say so they stay quiet for a few moments. “Lacan in no Sartre, he claims that you have the ability to write it, but it takes a very hard and long process through years of psychoanalysis and breaking down points attached to your unconscious. When you talk about your dreams so willingly, when you look for reasonings in your selfcalled madness, that’s you picking the pen to start to write.”

“It’s going to take years for me to take full control of my own fiction,” Taeil complains. He’s already gone through two years of therapy and he feels like he hasn’t even scraped the surface that is the unmapped lands of his unconcious.

“Not really,” his psychologist disagrees softly. Taeil grunts. “If Yuta came to you now, would you return to his arms even if your heart told you so?”

“No,” Taeil replies with more intensity than he had intended.

“What would you do then?”

“I don’t know, but I’d rather die than have my fiction written by him,” he declares.

His heart feels heavy, as it usually does after every session, but speaking those words oddly gives him the light feeling of freedom.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeil is in his bedroom. He must have woken up from a nightmare after the nap he took when he got home from his psychoanalyst session, he can’t quite remember it. Doyoung isn’t in his bed so Taeil slips out to make himself some tea and maybe try to meet with Taeyong on the roof.

He walks towards the kitchen, the building has its lights off. The only focus of light comes from the kitchen and this is when Taeil hears them talking.

“Does he seem willing again?” Doyoung asks. Taeil’s stomach chills. He creeps up from the doorstep to watch all four of them in a circle on the kitchen table.

Taeyong nods.

“Anything new you've uncovered?”

Taeyong taps his fingers on his wrist watch before answering. “He doesn’t talk much about Yuta himself, only their relationship. But I’ve been mapping him, his behavior. Got to interview some friends,” he says, calmly. Something inside Taeil tells him this isn’t their first secretive mission. His stomach boils, his throat clenches and yet he can’t stop watching. “The dreams speak more about him than anything else. He takes me to personal places, even if they’re products of his imagination. He has no idea what his dreams tell me about him.”

Everyone around nods and Doyoung takes notes. Taeil can’t stand it anymore, he’s heard enough.

“This… was always a job,” he says loudly. His lips tremble but that doesn’t reflect on his words.

Taeyong turns around to face him. His expressions are unreadable.

“I-I thought… I thought I was more than a challenge to you,” Taeil continues, stuttering this time. He isn’t sure if he will be able to tell them about how their betrayal has broken his heart.

Jaehyun is the first one to move from the table. He tries approaching Taeil, but Taeil takes his arms away. Jaehyun stands where he is, looking guilty. Taeil has his eyes deadly set on Taeyong, defying him to speak up.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Taeyong doesn’t blink, but at least he shows some emotion on his face. Taeil recognizes it as disgust. “I was hired, what did you expect me to do?”

Taeil takes a step back. He tries to keep his tears bottled inside but they escape his eyes. “I-I just hope you don’t come back to haunt my dreams too.”

His voice cracks and he turns around, running away from those he had started to consider as friends.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeil lets his wandering steps guide him. He doesn’t stop crying, sniffing and hiccuping as he turns on a corner and is faced with the gates for Yuta’s imposing mansion. The gatekeeper lets him in.

It’s already night so his path towards the house is lit by small lights. Taeil can hear the sound of the waves crashing against the back of the mansion. Somehow it eases him and serves as his guide. The entrance doors slide open and the butler leads him through many stairs, to the building’s rooftop.

Yuta is sitting there, drinking his usual night tea. He truly hasn’t changed. In the comfort of his home, he likes to wear a silk kimono while his wild hair is tied in a ponytail. Taeil looks around in wonder. He’s missed the mansion’s rooftop: from one side, a mountain and fields can be seen, while from the other the relentless waves crash loudly on the sea. Taeil smells the air, finding comfort in the seaside humidity. This rooftop is so much different than the distant urbanity Taeil used to watch with Taeyong.

Taeil’s throat clenches, memories of Taeyong and his betrayal rushing back into his brain. He runs towards Yuta, who is already setting aside his teacup.

“Yuta, you were right,” Taeil says breathlessly, holding himself onto Yuta’s kimono.

“About what?” he questions kindly. Yuta brushes Taeil’s bangs away from his eyes and holds him by his jaw.

“Taeyong, he-he… he is just a dream extractor…”

His last words come out muffles because Taeil hides his face on Yuta’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Illie, did he hurt you?”

Taeil bites his lips and nods. He finds it hard to speak again.

“You’ve been living with him, hm?” Yuta asks and Taeil nods again, even if he knows Yuta has that information already. “Maybe you should go back to living here with me.”

Taeil doesn’t hear him. He removes his head from Yuta’s shoulder, only then noticing the wet spots on Yuta’s kimono caused by his tears. “Hm?”

“So I can take care of you again, baby, get you back on your feet,” Yuta murmurs, wiping Taeil’s tears away with his thumb. “Taeyong has destroyed you, poor thing… I can protect you.”

Taeil steps back, shaking his head and murmuring, “No, no…”

Yuta tries reaching out for him. “Why not, Taeil? I’ve missed you so much.”

Taeil shakes his head once again and dodges his touch. He walks closer and closer to the rooftop’s border, until he is cornered by Yuta. He holds onto the wall that surrounds the rooftop’s perimeter, too weak to stand on his feet without support. Behind him, he can only hear the loud sound of the sea. In front of him, there is Yuta and his round eyes, awaiting for an answer.

“We didn’t end well.”

Yuta takes his hand. His touch is cold. “But we were good together, right?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Taeil replies. His voice cracks and new tears threaten to leave his eyes. “I _can’t_ go back to you.”

Yuta furrows his eyebrows and his soft expression changes. “Why not? You want to be that lonely again? Is that what you want for your life, Illie?”

“I’m not lonely,” Taeil replies but his voice cracks once again and he is crying before he notices it.

“Who do you have besides me? Besides Taeyong?”

“I have myself,” Taeil says back, stomping his feet and trying to stand tall. “I’m more than enough.”

Taeil hears the waves crashing again. He grabs the pole behind himself and holsts his body up on the wall. Now he can see the sea right under him.

“Taeil?” Yuta asks. “What are you doing?”

Taeil turns to look at Yuta one last time. If this was to be truly the last time, Taeil is happy that Yuta’s smile doesn't curl on his usual smirk. Yuta doesn’t smile, he has no reaction.

“Goodbye, Yuta,” Taeil murmurs before jumping from the mansion into the welcoming sea.

He is engulfed by the cold salty water, the waves throw him around and, due to pure instincts, Taeil tries to gasp for air, only to be put down by another violent wave. He squirms but eventually gives in. Taeil falls into the ocean’s darkness as he smiles and takes a last breath filled with water.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Something tickles Taeil’s foot. He tries to ignore it at first, but it won’t go away. He then kicks his feet, but the ticking returns. Taeil finally opens his tired eyes.

The sea had been welcoming that night. It had even dragged Taeil to a safe shore. Taeil usually hates sand but the one he is laying at this moment is soft and it is comfortable enough to sleep in. There are heavy clouds in the sky, but it doesn’t rain. Taeil finally sits up to see what is ticking his foot is seaweed. He unwraps it from his legs and throws it back at sea.

Taeil stands up in his soaked clothes. He looks around for any sign of life. He doesn’t quite know how he will be able to survive on this beach without any water or food when his eyes capture a small hut a few feet away. Taeil hadn’t even noticed its existence before.

The hut has everything he needs. Water, a small garden next to it where he can plant and eat fruits and vegetables and even a nice comfy bed. Taeil doesn’t even consider asking for help anymore, he’s got everything he needs right at this place and whenever he thinks something is lacking, it seems to magically appear right after, proving him wrong.

Even if the beach is rainy most days, Taeil doesn’t mind. It’s good for his vegetable garden and he likes to feel the rain on his skin without caring for anything else. He has only counted the days he was stranded on the first week, but now he guesses one or two months have gone by.

One day, when the sun is setting and Taeil watches it go as he feels the rain falling on him, a man in a suit appears from the mist in the horizon. He walks with slow but decisive steps. The rain stops immediately as if he is god and Taeil thinks that if god existed in a mortal form, it definitely took the shape of that man.

The man stops before Taeil, who looks up with a confused frown. “Did you come here to save me?”

The man ignores the question, holding Taeil’s chin to stare right into his eyes. Taeil feels uncomfortable by the forceful touch and direct gaze.

The man drops his hands but his face is still close to Taeil’s, who feels his cheeks burning. “Do you remember me?”

Taeil is about to say no when his eyes catch a scar under the stranger’s eyes. It is shaped like a rose and it sparks a memory in him.

“You’re the dream man.”

The dream man seems confused by the title but nods. “Yes, yes.”

Taeil tilts his head. “Why are you here?”

“I came to take you from limbo,” the man says. He pauses and his voice becomes a swift whisper, “You waited for me on this beach, just like you promised.”

“Limbo? This isn’t limbo.”

“It is. We… We were conducting inception and you decided to take your life. With the sort of sedatives we gave you to sleep through level three dreaming, killing yourself in a dream wouldn’t make you wake up. You only fell further.”

The dream man’s explanation suddenly triggers a wave of memories inside Taeil’s brain. Lee Taeyong’s face and their endless promises to each other run through his mind, as well as his heartbreaking betrayal.

“Why should I trust you?” Taeil asks with restrained anger. He points a finger at Taeyong. “Y-you’ve lied to me, you made me believe you cared for me, but it was all for the job. This is just another challenge for you,” he almost spits the accusation.

Taeyong shakes his head. “No, no, that… that was part of the job,” he explains rapidly. Taeyong stops and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I needed you to stop trusting me and then to go to Yuta. I couldn’t have you rejecting Yuta only because I was there. I help you stand up, but you walk by yourself.”

Taeil’s heart warms at Taeyong’s last words and he sees himself almost believing the dream man but before he can take his hand, he stops himself.

“Doesn’t matter, you can be wrong. This is reality,” Taeil states stubbornly.

“I’m sorry, I failed you. I should have given you a totem for your protection.”

Taeyong falls on his knees and hides his face with his hand. Taeil doesn’t pay much attention to him, his mind is lost in something Taeyong said.

 _Totem_. Another memory comes to Taeil’s mind and he reaches for his pocket. It’s useless, he’s sure they are empty but his left hand touches a smooth plastic surface. He picks up a dry four leafed clover, wrapped in plastic. Taeil feels it on the palm of his hand. It doesn’t feel quite right to him. When he takes a look closer, the four leafed clover is actually a three leafed clover. Taeil finally realizes the truth.

He looks down towards Taeyong to see him watching Taeil in awe. Taeil puts his clover back to safety inside his pocket and falls on his knees in front of Taeyong.

“We are dreaming,” he says. Taeyong nods, eyes glistening. “You came here to save me from my dreams,” Taeil whispers, falling on Taeyong’s chest.

Taeyong wraps Taeil in his arms. “You dreamed of the beach just like we promised,” he murmurs as he brushes Taeil’s hair and presses him against his body.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

They have to decide how to die. Taeil suggests the sea, but Taeyong can swim. Taeyong says he should kill Taeil and then kill himself but Taeil objects to that. He does not want them to fall apart ever again and holds onto Taeyong’s strong hands even harder than before.

Limbo is crumbing down. Taeil has never bothered to explore its boundaries besides the beach, but the buildings built by those who were there before them were clearly built thousands of years ago, which equates to a few hours in the real world.

Taeyong walks calmly among the dream city as any dream man would, but Taeil worries for him. He might have found Taeil easily, but those buildings hide someone far more important to him. Taeil looks up, trying to read Taeyong’s expressions, but always failing. He doesn’t want to bring up his mother and knows that Taeyong would do it himself if he wanted to, but Taeil’s heart still aches. All he can do is wrap himself around Taeyong’s arms and hope that’s enough comfort for him now.

They stop in front of what seems to be a brand new skyscraper, Taeyong’s newest creation. They take the elevator to the rooftop. This is the tallest building from what they can see in the limbo. Taeil feels chilly but Taeyong’s arms make him feel safe against all odds.

They walk towards the edge of the rooftop. Taeyong removes his arms from Taeil’s shoulders to hold his hand.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, with a serious gaze.

Taeil gulps but nods. He takes a step forward, ready for nothingness, but is suddenly dragged from the edge by Taeyong’s strong hold.

Taeil is confused and about to protest, when Taeyong pulls him against his chest and speaks before he can.

“I’m sorry, but I have to do this now,” he murmurs, using his free hand to lead Taeil’s lips to his.

Their mouths meet into a chaste but needy kiss. It’s as if all the sexual tension that’s building up between the two has just exploded between their mouths. Taeyong takes Taeil’s lips eagerly, but maintains proper decorum, while Taeil gives himself to him, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s neck. Taeyong is clearly trying his best not to give in, but one of his hands traveling through his curves.

Taeil whimpers and that seems to ignite a fire inside Taeyong. He deepens the kiss and presses their bodies even closer than before. It’s as if Taeyong has stolen any oxygen inside Taeil’s lungs and he has to halt the kiss.

Taeil gasps for air while Taeyong plants little kisses on his ear.

“It’s just a dream,” Taeil murmurs to himself.

“This isn’t,” Taeyong says back, kissing his forehead and taking Taeil’s hand. They walked towards the edge again. “Do you trust me?”

Taeil smiles at him. “With my life.”

Together, they jump.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

Taeil opens his eyes. Dreams seem to always escape him, but this time each dream he’s had through these last hours return to him in a flash. He barely has any strength to take off the equipment on his wrist before bursting into tears.

He isn’t exactly sure why he is crying. If it’s for the pain of fighting Yuta, the loneliness of the months in that rainy beach or Taeyong’s rescue. Maybe he is crying for all those times he’s cried in this dream and couldn’t cry in the real world. Taeil doesn’t really know. All he knows is that he feels sad, broken and torn, and tears need to leave his body.

Doyoung rushes to his aid, but Taeyong reaches Taeil first. He runs his fingers through Taeil’s hair as he lets Taeil crash against his shoulder and cry as much as he needs. When Taeil is finally ready to stop crying, Doyoung is there with a cup of fresh mint tea while Jaehyun and Sungchan bring him biscuits they’ve baked themselves.

Taeil thanks them and takes a sip from the tea and a bite from a biscuit. Taeyong checks if he’s okay one last time and Taeil reassures him that he is, so the team starts to explain what exactly has just happened.

The job they had at hand wasn’t one of a simply willing subject, but of a knowing subject as well. It wouldn’t be effective if Taeil knew it was a dream or a set-up, so they had to fool him into believing that was reality while making Taeil fall deeper and deeper in the dreaming. Another complication was that Taeil had become familiar with the dreaming, so he remembered the dreams he had when he woke up, therefore they couldn’t simply put together three completely different dreams. They had to write their own piece of fiction for Taeil to follow.

They molded the first level of the dream as his psychologist session. They needed Taeil to tell them things he’d only confide in his therapist and also give him some heartwarming advice for him to move on.

On the second level, they staged the meeting Taeil saw. He needed to feel betrayed by them, to never want to see them again and to have only himself to count on. As Doyoung explains this part, Taeil’s mind echoes the words Taeyong had said to him in limbo, “I help you stand up, but you walk by yourself.”

After that, Taeil stormed out of the apartment but he was sedated once again. On the third level of the dream, Taeil found himself at Yuta’s mansion. There, he met who he thought was Yuta but it had actually been Taeyong taking Yuta’s form. The final test took place on the rooftop.

“We couldn’t incept in your mind for the projection to stop,” Doyoung says, “but we could teach you how to fight it so you’ll have the weapons for when it bothers your dreams.”

Taeil nods. He has listened to them telling their plan very quietly. He feels worn off from how much he’s cried.

They hadn’t expected Taeil to fall into limbo by pushing Yuta away, but luckily Taeyong acted fast. In less than two minutes, he had forged a gun inside the dream and shot himself so he’d be able to fall into limbo and rescue Taeil as well. As Jaehyun tells this part, Taeyong shoots Taeil furtive glances, but Taeil is unresponsive.

Everyone goes silent. They’ve finished explaining their plan and expect an answer from their client.

Taeil cleans his throat. He feels as if he hadn’t spoken in ages. “So, I can fight off Yuta by myself now,” he concludes.

Doyoung nods. “It took some time, but you’ve always had it in you.”

“Thank you, I’ll make sure you get bonuses for your work, thank you very much for this.”

“No need—“

“Please, I insist,” Taeil shuts him with his calm voice. His eyes dart the room, never reaching eye-level. Taeil scratches his arm. “Hm, I will… pack my bags then…”

Taeil leaves Taeyong’s arms and stands on his two feet. Everything feels weird. Two months have passed and yet he only slept for ten hours.

He takes one step at a time, until he’s confident enough to walk into his room. He sits on the bed and takes a deep breath before he starts packing right away.

Taeil is fitting his plushies inside his bag when he hears a faint knock on his door. Doyoung opens the door and comes in.

“Do you want to leave this quickly?”

Taeil shrugs, avoiding his gaze. “No reason why I should stay.”

“The team has talked and… we like you. We want you to stay.”

“For how long?”

“Forever.”

Taeil looks up. His voice cracks when he says, “Really?”

Doyoung nods. “Really.”

“But what would I do to help you?”

Suddenly Jaehyun burst into the room, yelling, “You can be our cook!”

Sungchan is by the door, a clear indication both of them were eavesdropping. Taeyong is nowhere in sight.

Taeil chuckles and shakes his head.

Doyoung rolls his eyes at Jaehyun before turning to Taeil again. “You don’t need to do anything. Just stay.”

Taeil doesn’t have anything to say so he simply nods. Jaehyun pumps a fist into the air while Sungchan claps politely. The chemist seems to want to be eager to celebrate, but Doyoung’s bony fingers hold him by his shoulder before he can reach Taeil.

“There is someone on the roof waiting for you,” Doyoung informs Taeil before pushing everyone out of the room.

◐ ◒ ◑ ◓

The flight of stairs leads him to his familiar rooftop. Taeil opens the door and spends a few seconds taking in the beautiful horizon. The sun is rising and the sky is a light shade of purple and orange.

Taeyong is sitting on the usual spot. He’s taken off his blazer jacket. Taeil sits next to him and Taeyong places his jacket on Taeil’s shoulders.

“You didn’t follow our rule of no totems,” he comments. Taeil can’t detect if he’s scolding him or actually impressed.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“You’re staying?”

“There’s nowhere else for me to be.”

Taeyong smirks before getting up and stretching his legs. “Are you sure? Because I remember a promise made in this very place that would take you to somewhere else.”

“Taeyong, you don’t have to—“

“I _want_ to,” Taeyong interrupts Taeil, while pulling him by his hand back to his two feet. They are centimeters apart. “Moon Taeil, for the price of a single kiss, will you visit my dreams?”

Taeil doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to speak to pay his entrance inside Taeyong’s subconscious.

**Author's Note:**

>  **triggers** : drug addiction, toxic relationships, drug withdrawal side effects, vomiting, suicide attempt. if you see any other topic that you deem triggering, please tell me so. if you’re scared by the triggers, know that this story is about healing. 
> 
> this story is particularly important to me because i too, like taeil, dream of people who have done harm to me. it’s not always, but i’d say a few times a month. and more than one person haunts me. it’s something that’s intrigued me for a very long time because even if i have nearly forgotten those people, my dreams don’t let me heal my scars. some dreams i described were even based on my own dreams. i wish i could fight their projections, take control of a situation i couldn’t take control in my life, but for now i’m happy to have taeil do that for me ; 
> 
> there are also some nods to neil gaiman’s sandman in this. so thats why “realm of the dreaming”, “the dreaming” etc 
> 
> hope you liked the story, comments are precious to me
> 
> i write taeil pairing fics and hyuckil text aus ~~ check informations for requests on my carrd  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/thegreatmoon94)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thegreatmoon94)  
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>    
> xx  
> sol


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